My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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