some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
