Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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