In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
