Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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