You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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