they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
