Non-Jews are for practice
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
