You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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