I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
