dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to sanitize my soul.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
