i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
