I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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