I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
