you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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