Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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