I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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