North Korea, Best Korea!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
