Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
