Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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