I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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