Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
did you just send me my own nude
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
