Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
