Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
