Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
