had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
