he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
