barbara walters just said penis...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
