I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
