she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
