2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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