ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
