She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
