I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
