A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
