It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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