My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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