Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
