So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
