I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
