..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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