You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
