She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I deserve this hangover.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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