There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
