If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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