Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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