I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
vagina is talking i cant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
