So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
