how can u be prego again
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
