if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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