Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just want nice things and good sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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