We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
