You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
