I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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