I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
