ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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